Relationships - crushes, situationships, dating, breakups - Teacher Edition

Our Advisory unit on relationships has brought back a lot of memories for our faculty.

How did you meet your partner and how old were you?

I met my current husband for the first time at 29 during a lunch outing with one of my sisters who served as our connection on our first date and we felt in love from then. Ms. Hang

I met my wife at a previous international school where we both worked. I was 24, she was 25. Mr. McRobert

I met my husband in my second year of college when I was 20. We were in the same general friend group and though I had a crush on him early on, he didn’t seem to notice me in any special way. We both dated other people along the way. By the time we graduated at 22, we were good friends and within a couple months after graduating we started dating. We were married three years later. Ms. Coquillard

I met Jeff (aka Mr. Salvati) in middle school. He was on my brother´s soccer team, but we did not talk until high school when I decided to join the girls soccer team in hopes of getting him to talk to me. We started dating when I was in grade 10, but we would only do things in large groups with our friends. Mostly I remember the friendship that we built before anything else. When he left for college, we decided to continue our relationship instead of taking a break. That period was marked with loneliness but it helped us develop trust and confidence in each other. Mrs. Salvati

I met my current partner by being set up on a blind date. A friend of my mom was the parent of one of his students - she thought we would like each other because we taught the same subject and both liked college football (American). Dr. Brown

When I was in my teens and 20s, the few girlfriends I had were all met through mutual friends via different social events we partook in. Along with learning A LOT about the relationship process (both mistakes and good decisions), the fondest memories from those relationships were the different adventures we had with our friend group. The two biggest things that helped me get through break-ups were music (both playing and listening) and exercise, especially running. Mr. Galvez

I first met my wife on a video call on Skype when she tried to find the way from London to our university in Newcastle, England. A friend had asked me to help my wife at that time so that she could settle in Newcastle smoothly. When she came to the bus station, I took her to the dorm and swiftly we fell into a special relationship after that. We were both 24 years young at that time. Dan Le

My first serious relationship started at the end of Grade 11. It turned out to be very toxic and unhealthy. He was very jealous and controlling and I started to make myself less social to avoid upsetting him. In the end, I got out of it by taking an amazing opportunity to do a gap year working as a nanny in France right after high school. That was a life altering experience in so many ways, but it also allowed me to get out of the relationship as I was definitely not as assertive as I needed to be in that situation at that time in my life. Ms. Finlay

I met my past partner in Medical School. During our anatomy class- yes, while dissecting cadavers, he introduced himself to me as he showed me the heart of one of the cadavers. Dr. Katz

If you dated in high school what do you remember fondly from that relationship?

The best part of having a partner in HS was him making me laugh and having a dance partner for school dances. Dr. Brown

I did not date anyone until the 2nd year of university. In high school, I received some love letters, but I was so extremely confused and worried, and when the girls approached me, I only kept silent and tried to run away as fast as I could because I thought that dating (talking, holding hands and touching bodies ...) could make the girl pregnant, also, the whole village told me that if a student had a relationship in high school, he/she would likely fail the exams and get very low GPAs. I grew up in the countryside where sexual education was terribly avoided. Dan Le

* In high school, I still believed that women gave birth by their belly buttons (which is the nearest "entrance" to the baby bump).

I barely dated in HS. Mr. McRobert

Not for me. I wanted to admire the most attractive individuals rather than simply date them.

Ms. Hang

If you experienced a break-up, what helped you to get through it?

I did, Indeed. In this situation, I went shopping and spent time with my friends as much as I could while continuing to seek a new relationship. (Do not give up! ) Ms. Hang

To get through a difficult breakup as an adult, I focused on my friendships and hobbies. I made a point to spend time with friends I already had, and I joined some organized activities for adults like a women's flag football league and a volunteer organization to meet new people, since I lost some good friends due to the breakup as well. I really loved seeing live music at that time, and it was in the Craigslist heyday, so I also posted on Craigslist to find people who were interested in going to see different bands with me. One of those people became a lifelong friend. I also took advantage of every opportunity to socialize with colleagues, which led to other lifelong friendships and also eventually to my relationship with my current partner :) Ms. O’Brien

Writing (not typing or texting on phone). This is my most effective way to burst out all my emotions and thoughts if at that time I found it hard to talk to someone. Also, cooking, eating and doing exercises would get my "endorphins" produced then I knew there were others around that I should care for. Ms. Trinh Lu

I remember going through a break-up that crushed me after college. My new roommate at the time found me in shambles that day and gave me a really big, long, much-needed hug. It took me days to get out of my house and pretend to be a person who could go about her day. The thing that got me through this awful break-up was the community of friends I had who were loving and supportive. A lot of them did not realize I was going through a breakup but the fact that they were present and consistent in my life, inviting me to play sports, cook and eat together, play board games, go hiking, etc. kept me so busy that the feelings of the breakup began to fizzle out. There were times when I was by myself and felt the aftermath of the breakup, but I was constantly reminded by my community of close friends that love can be found in the form of friendships, and not just in romantic relationships. It took some time to get over the break-up, I still think about it every now and then, but it is so much easier to move forward because of the relationships I have made outside of something romantic. Ms. Du

When I met my current wife, I was in a distant relationship with another girl who was living in Australia, but we decided to break up a year later. So, my wife seems to be the first factor that helped me to get through the difficult time. Also, thinking of how the breakup benefited both sides (in such a distant relationship) made me feel that we made the right decision. Dan Le

I relied on my friends and my mom. Time helps too. Dr. Brown

I broke up with my boyfriend because we wanted different things out of life. It was awful, even though I was the one who broke up with him. The only thing that helped was time. I had to totally disconnect and lose our friend group for a while. Time helped and also rediscovering myself outside of the relationships and realizing what things we did together that I actually liked and what I politely tolerated. Ms. S.

Learning that love doesn't have to be forever to be considered successful. Not everyone is meant to be in our life for always and the beauty of some relationships is that they fit into a particular moment in our lives or teach us particular lessons that make us better. Ms. Refai

Everyone is excited about falling in love or getting a good relationship. However, it is really hard to get through the heartbreaking time when we break up with someone we love.

For me, just allow myself to cry out after working. I need to release my emotions first then find something to eat :) Tomorrow will be the new day, and again, when I return home, I continued crying. I passed that difficult period, maybe around 6 months, and I also tried to read some inspirational books to help myself get better. Of course, the family and friends' support is important. Meanwhile, I keep doing my habits and finding other new habits. That is also helpful. Ms.Liu

When I broke up with that boy, I was devastated. I had envisioned our whole life together, even though I was only 16. My mum hugged me while I cried and tried to help me understand that this was just a tiny part of my life. She reassured me that, even though it felt like my world was ending, I would find happiness and joy again. Now, a bit older, I realize she was right. He was only a small part of my life, not even a full chapter, just a segment. Ms. Hooper

What I remember…

What I remember fondly about the person I dated in high school was how he made me feel like I was important to him, but he did not smother me. We spent a lot of time together, but I was also still able to spend time with other friends. - Ms. Katie Rigney-Zimmermann

I was in 10th grade when I had my first boyfriend. We started out as friends and he would call me everyday to talk on the phone (once upon a time people actually did that). I remember that he fought hard for my attention. Pretty soon it became clear he wanted us to be a couple, and since I didn't have any real objections to that I went along with it. I think he was always more into me than I was into him though. I have always been an independent person, so it was an adjustment for me to get used to having one person monopolize my time. I was too inexperienced to notice his growing possessiveness and I was too naive to imagine what that could lead to. Then one day, I noticed him standing outside my Geometry classroom, beckoning me to join him in the hallway. I left the classroom to see what he wanted, and was completely surprised to see him in a fit of rage. He had stolen a notebook my best friend and I used to pass notes to each other between classes, and had read something I had written to her months prior about another guy. Taken out of context, he believed it was evidence that I was into that other guy, and not him. He started ranting and yelling at me in the hallway. Embarrassed, I pushed past him and went into the girls' bathroom to try to get away. He followed me in so I locked the door to the stall to keep my distance. He kicked and pounded on the door, continuing to rage on. I was so freaked out and just kept telling him to leave. Eventually he did, and once the coast was clear, I slipped back into my classroom, mortified by the commotion and also shaken up by the confrontation. Later he tried to apologize, but there was no going back for me. I ended it with him, and did my best to block him from my life. It took a while before I was interested in dating anyone again. Ms. Maley